Citizens of The United States of Bonnaroo, thank you for doing your patriotic duty. As you are no doubt aware, for every one of you attending this year’s Big Fest, there are 100 who would be there also (if it were at all possible) and this makes the size of our nation 80,000 times 100 equals 8 million people… and I say: if 8 million people want to do something, then The Man should get out of their way and let them do it!
A few days from now, the people will arrive on The Farm from many states and then proceed to enter their Bonnaroo-arific States: delegates from the State of Rolling, the State of Tripping, the State of Shrooming, the State of Being Wasted, the State of Being High and the State of Being Sober (if that’s what your doctor insists that you must do!). All are united at Bonnaroo, and as your President, I am asking you to join my government!
Our nation’s constitution has only one article: that there are no laws—only kind people. And of course this means “kind” in the same way that our bud is kind and by the way: my Ministry of KB has informed me that this year’s goal is to consume Obama’s weight in the national treasure during every minute of The Fest, so please do your part to send a smoke signal across the borders to influence The Man. Also, the Department of The ‘CID is predicting an all-time high at Friday night’s performance by Sir Paul, The Living Beatle, so try and get a view from the top.
This year, as always, I will be trying to fill all the cabinet posts, so when you see me during the fulfilment of my presidential duties (which are 24 hours a day), please let me know about your special skill, so that you can be properly designated. I will be trying to fill the post of Ambassador to The Fifth Dimension right away… once again, the previously assigned Ambassador has failed to return, so please be advised.
The United States of Bonnaroo is a real nation, even though it is quite fantastic… it only appears in this dimension 1 percent of the time, four days a year, so it is incumbent on you citizens to get all of it you can, and to represent in those other states and nations the rest of the time. So while within our borders, keep your eyes out for a kid with blonde dreadlocks and a green backpack on Shakedown Street. And when you see him, tell him The President is looking for him!
Show some love to your fellow campers and remember: music forms the base of The Hedonistic Pyramid, and when The Real Musicians do their thing, the people will gather to perform their ecstatic rituals!
The musical version of this proclamation can be found on The Anaesthetic Revelation of Ray, available on Spotify.