Astrocreep: Finding the Divine in Our Sweat, Shit and Sex

Published  June 2014

antigravity_vol11_issue8_Page_04_Image_0001The best forms of divination are the ones upon which we can most directly project ourselves, those which frame ourselves, and hold ourselves, so that we become coherent to ourselves. This is because the answers to life’s problems are all very simple, but the solutions are often complicated or difficult ( for reasons that are simple but hard). I recommend the following form of divination: examine your body’s waste for answers. If your piss is cloudy or dark, you are dehydrated. If your shit is loose or watery, rethink your diet. If your shit is hard and pooping is too, your body is having trouble letting go. If your menstrual blood is dark and clumpy, old stuff is coming out of you.

Alright, so you don’t think that counts as divination. But it is, and this brand of self- reflective soothsaying will behoove you in June. Mercury goes retrograde on June 7th; and until July 1 when it goes direct again, you’ll be utterly stuck with yourself. This particular transit of the messenger god is a period for confronting internal aggression and hubris. If you’re man-identified, why not take this especially pertinent opportunity to contemplate your male privilege, the man-goggles through which your transgressions–minor and overt–contribute to the burden of women’s survival? Whether you’re a dude or a dude (to me the term is gender neutral, like “y’all”), the Mercury transit is a time to peer into the flames of pride and passion.

I’ve always thought June was the sexiest month. That’s because I grew up in the cult of the Smashing Pumpkins and there’s a lot of June-related mysticism in those lyrics. That’s because Billy Corgan is a big dummy and June rhymes with nearly anything. But there’s more to it than that, stuff having to do with the number six, stuff having to do with sticky skin, stuff having to do with the chaotic flow of energy in the summer and the extra potential that creates in the air. What is your sexual experience?

This all relates back to the stuff that’s coming out of your body. Look at it. Sex begins and ends with us. Sex is a solitary experience, because of the vast universe of exquisite isolation of our bodymind prison. Some people think sex is about connecting to another person, dissolving the bodymind barrier. That’s okay. Some people don’t experience sex as being related to their experience of embodiment at all. That’s okay too. Personally, I like to be alone all the time, and wear slippers and a robe, and not have my bodily integrity violated in any way. That’s because I’m a mystic. So do you know what stuff you like, in the realm of the physical, the psychic, the possible, the impossible? Those who seek to know will harvest the fruits of June.


 

Aries
Ram on the run! If you’re even home at all this month, your home will be full of people passing through. For the most part you’re in the mood to socialize and be festive, but try to keep your foot out of your mouth, because there’s a hefty potential for miscommunication and ruffled feathers in June. Picture yourself as fellow Aries William Shatner. You’ve… got a lot to give to the world apparently, and it’s not hard to see why you’re beloved. But you come with your fair share of cringe-inducing moments, too. If you do manage to cross someone, give it a pause to cool off, then touch base again at the end of the month, when Mercury begins to go direct. If you’re travelling this month, keep an eye on your wallet, especially if you’re travelling with a new romantic interest.

 

Taurus
In June, let the juices flow. You’ll be juiciest if you can manage to take time off work and be with your friends and loved ones. You’ll be juicier yet if you have more of your pals in one place, and if you cook your favorite foods for them, your cup may runneth over. This month, give yourself holidays in which you can let your magnanimity shine on people you care about. Nurturing connections helps provide you with a spiritual safety net upon which you can fall when you have existential breakdowns. If you are estranged with any members of your family, or you just haven’t spoken in a while, test the waters this month. If it’s a disaster, you will find comfort in your chosen family—those friends you’ve been doting on so dearly.

 

Gemini
Though Mercury’s your ruler, his backward appearance won’t faze you this month as you make big moves on personal projects, big deals at your job, and charm your partner(s) with your dazzling fecundity. Don’t burn yourself out—particularly if you’re a June Gemini; your body may be begging for mercy around your birthday. The only other area in which you may be vulnerable right now is the shit-talking zone. Because you’re a boss right now, more than ever, haters are gonna hate. The best remedy for giving a fuck about that is listening to hardcore. Might I suggest the dulcet wisdom of Baltimore bards 25 Ta Life in their classic tune “Haters”: “Haters on the left/Haters on the right/Nothing you say or do can stop/The hands on time.” Keep moving, Gemini, and don’t bother to stomp out the bigmouths even if you see them in the pit. Not worth it.

 

Cancer
Hello my waterbabies. I have a special place in my heart for you, do you know that? So many of my loved ones have prominent Cancer aspects in their charts, and I reap the rewards of having such generous and sensitive people in my life. Cancers who celebrate their birthdays in June will feel love from people like me, singing your accolades, all month. Cancers who were born in July might as well, but you’ll probably be too much of a space-cadet to notice. Outer space is just like the deep sea, and that’s where your mind goes sometimes, wondering, desiring, remembering, or just dreaming. Channel this state of mind toward reading about the mystic concept of the Subtle Body, and ponder how to tend to yours. A tip: begin to make plans to be in the ocean on your birthday, just in case that’s not already your annual tradition.

 

Leo
What a romantic month is in store for you! My favorite kind of love, besides the humble dedication of lifelong commitment of course, is le crush. As I’ve aged (gracefully, subtly, like a bourbon) I’ve learned that one can relish the buzz and self-growth of a crush without acting on libidinous impulses. It’s called new friendships. That hankering for the new screams to be sated, but once you’ve gorged yourself enough you learn that the future is quite predictable when driven by appetites. Friendships that begin with chemistry and blossom because of ineffable mutual recognition, but never take that foray into fluid-swapping, can often grow into special life-long bonds. You’re poised to make a few new friends of that caliber this month, but you’ll have to decide what your personal position on crushes is, first. Where do you stand and what do you want?

 

Virgo
In June, a project in which you’ve invested substantial time and energy lately will yield good results. This is particularly fulfilling because it’s a project that connects to your life’s work, and it’s something that you aren’t likely to stop working on, though you feel at risk of burnout from lack of appreciation. Finally—during a Mercury retrograde, no less—your labors will pay off. Unfortunately for your wallet, this payoff may not be financial—more a sense of recognition and respect from your peers or elders. You’re more likely to get paid by a patron than a paycheck. Like fellow Virgo Grandma Moses, your brush moves with laser-focus and you’re in it for the long haul. This month you, like she, may get some long-deserved notice. She was discovered when she was just doing her thing, focused on her work and on the mundanities of living. Take note.

 

Libra
Though travel is one of the activities discouraged by rote in astrology during retrogrades, it is unavoidable for you this month. What’s more, it appears you’ll dodge most of the clouds classically associated with such endeavors under these astral conditions. You may run into some logistical issues at the beginning of the retrograde—or even slightly before— but it’s the technological type of inconvenience. Though it may frustrate you now, these are the issues that come out in the wash. You won’t be irked with interpersonal communication issues, and those can be far more damning. If you are one of the many Librans travelling this month—especially if it is abroad—you are in for a romantic journey. If you’re partnered, you will emerge into sweltering July with an even tighter bond. It was Libra Lennon who penned “Love Is All You Need.” You’re too shrewd to fully espouse his philosophy in totality, but a part of you wants to believe.

 

Scorpio
Do you know how to relax yet? Probably not the first time I’ve asked, but anyway you’ve heard it before from others. Your mind flourishes in places where others would shrivel. The fluids within you resonate with some of the darker tones of the human existence. This month, don’t force others to that place with you. Instead, know that they are drawn to you, in part, for your ability to exist in the wretched spaces. Imagine yourself as accepted, loosen your grip, see if you might be held. If that’s not enough to pacify your hungry heart, go to a body of water with someone who vexes and perplexes you. No, not to dispose of the body, you sick freak. To tap into expansiveness and distract your busy, dark mind. To look at each other with fresh eyes. Now, once more: try to relax.

 

Sagittarius
By now I’m sure you’re familiar with the pat characterization of your sign as being breezily tactless. One thing a lot of people don’t understand about the Archer is your quizzical reaction to being called out. The reason it can be so hard for criticism to register is that you often can’t see past your good intentions. A dyed-in-the-wool Sag lady I know self-describes as not having a mean bone in her body. And though I love her, I’ve seen her be sneaky and even manipulative at times. But even if I couldn’t read her so well, I’m of the school of thought that intentions don’t hold so much weight as many (especially those on the offending side) would like to think. This month, be on the lookout for criticism, and when it comes, clear your mind and just listen. Still your inner judging voice and just listen. Your close friends will be impressed, and someone close to you who is running out of patience may stick around a bit longer.

 

Capricorn
Have you gotten help recently when you were backed into a corner? I’m seeing some blooms of warmth in your chart that lead me to suspect the gloomy old goat is learning to receive. Maybe it’s romantic love that’s taught you to open a new part of yourself–a Carl Dean to your Dolly Parton. Did you know that her holiness Ms. Parton is a fellow Capricorn? Hell yeah, dude! Draw inspiration from her radiance and resilience. She’s not shy about the paths she’s chosen: rumor has it she’s covered in tattoos beneath those biz-caz clothes, and she’s been cranking out the hits since before you were born probably. Just think about what kind of partnership she must have, when she’s bringing all that fierce strength to the table. She must have had to open up certain parts of herself at some point. Open up yours, just a little.

 

Aquarius
Something’s got you working the clock lately, and it may not be just your official job. It has been almost enough of an excuse for not doing some of the life-tasks you’ve been avoiding. Take the Mercury retrograde—which begins on the 7th—as an opportunity to focus on your unfinished tasks in the realms of friendship and self- work. Set aside as a lower priority all that obstructs you, whether it’s your workplace or a needy partner. Speaking of partners, you know that type of lie that isn’t quite a lie but a delicate skirting of the truth (perhaps in the interest of what feels like the greater goood [since I know you water-bearers always have the universal community weighing on your airy minds])? It would be a good month to work through that, alone, and then present your findings to those whom it concerns.

 

Pisces
Pisces, I’ll level with you. I’m not a Beatles fan (despite the two references to their canon in this month’s column). Once the hype outweighs the art, I try to set the art outside my mind. There’s too much static for a mystic. It clouds the crystal ball. But this month it cannot be avoided, the tune connected to your forecast is “I’m Only Sleeping.” Take your time, and judge the merit of your dear ones by if they’ll let you go on dreaming. Your dreamy month will be punctuated by moments of stark clarity. You’ll see the man behind the curtain, the bureaucrats pulling the strings, and the aristocrats reaping the benefits. Try to articulate what you see to those around you. It will be to their benefit, and also yours because a packed house at a hearing lets the Man know that your incarceration will be hard on the State’s wallet—every visitor to a prisoner in the pen costs them! Need I say more? I know you’re on the level. Is your friend cool?

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