Keeping a diary is hard, and no one checks LiveJournal anymore, so I’ve been keeping a diary of just a couple words at a time. Some days I write in it every couple hours, some days just once. Then I read it back all at once, like a bad sentence: “isolation, quarantine, stiff, squandered.” It tells me a lot to know that “giving up” happened at 1:56 a.m., or that “I still got it” was sandwiched between “hell” and “desperation.” Reading through it gives me this broad view of my mental landscape—all the fluctuations, doubts, and bravado. It also lends a sense of detachment, which is a break from self-judging and a bridge to compassion.
It’s hard to hold complex equations about your future in your head when your self- worth is a huge variable. If you’re a person for whom that is an issue, my suggestion to you this month is to go interact with different people and be in different spaces than you’re used to—different ones than you’ve been in these past few months. If you can’t get perspective on yourself, go get perspective on other people. Though much is unknown, in some senses reality is a fixed set, and if you understand enough other variables, you can figure out where you fit in.
Because being unsure of your self-worth generally doesn’t lend itself to an optimistic urge to get perspective on other people—a confident curiosity, say—this may take some effort. But going out of your comfort zone is worth it even if the takeaway is that you want to crawl back into your cave of solitude. Self-enforced solitude can be a beautiful thing, but there’s a gray area for a lot of us where we aren’t really the ones holding the keys anymore. Did you isolate yourself over the winter? Was it because the outside world was a poison to you, or did you feel like you were a communicable poison to the world?
A Lunar eclipse in Libra inaugurates the month on April 4th. As ever, a full moon will bring out crude, latent truths. Be prepared for those truths to concern your home, the things you do to maintain the illusion of control over your life, and to make yourself feel protected from the chaos and wilderness fundamental to our being. The New Moon is April 18, in Aries. If you have not reconciled issues that flared up earlier in the month, you will face them now without niceties.
Some way in which you’ve been burned multiple times in the past couple years is about to rear its head again. Not that you are about to be hurt in the same way again, but it will become obvious that you need to deal with your secret doubts and pain in order to escape a pattern. You can figure it out by doing a physical spring cleaning of your material possessions. You can figure it out by following your natural curiosity. Beware compromises that feel stifling.
During your birthday season, you can be a little more self-centered than usual. So when someone wants your appreciation and it’s hard (for whatever reason) to keep them on your radar, it can be irksome and even confusing. You may be missing signals from people close to you. Your mind is likely elsewhere—possibly focused on delays in a business transaction. Waiting to move forward, without taking shortcuts, is frustrating but necessary.
This month, with Mars in your sign, you will be juiced up with extra energy. You have to spend much of it on other people’s projects, though. That can give you a kind of constant, low-level irritability that seeps into all your interactions, whether by just being short or extra snarky. Find time for yourself, to be completely alone, whenever you can. It will help you avoid trampling on people’s feelings without even realizing it.
Life transitions, for you, often follow the seasons. Spring has heralded a new chapter in your life and accordingly, you’re feeling a little raw. Your sensitivity right now is around fledgling plans, and you’re easily wounded if anyone questions them. What can you do to become more resilient in this particular moment in your life? In order to bring your plan into fruition you’ll need to be tough.
It’s easier to focus on work than love, even when it goes against your values, if things aren’t proceeding in a clear manner in your heart. Lingering doubts can keep you from being the confident, lavish lover you want to be. The challenge for you this month will be existing in ambiguity with full attendance and attention. If you’re checked out, you’ll miss out on signs that will help you get your bearings and become more comfortable.
Do you have a habit of constantly putting yourself down in small ways? Perfectionism is powerful, and when directed at oneself, it can really wear you down. This is a time when you could become your own worst enemy if you’re not careful. You usually rely on other people to get you out of your head and give you some perspective, but if your friends and loved ones are busy they might not be able to give you a reality check. It’s up to you to choose to believe in yourself.
Binge-watching Friends is the kind of masochistic self-abuse a Libra can really get down with, and no one told you life would be this way. But letting go of some of your hopes for your life can allow you to live more fully with the life you actually have. Libran charm can be directed inward or outward—if you’re unsatisfied with who you are, you’re probably blind to the esteem your friends hold you in. Check your blind spot.
For Scorpios, every ex is “the one that got away,” even if what they got away from was your wrath when you weren’t done with them yet. It’s okay to carry a small torch for every past love, but mind the fuel you’re putting into the flames. Being emotionally spread thin causes a distraction that can poison your present. Remember that pining away for things you can’t have is a form of escapism, and that delusion is always more attractive than the banality of daily life.
There is none flakier than a Sagittarian whose self-confidence has lapsed! When you lose certainty in yourself, your light spontaneity takes on a darker cast. Let the spring inspire a rebirth of possibilities for you. Go read about the new astronomical theory that Jupiter destroyed all the other planets, creating new worlds. Remember, Jupiter is your ruler! You are powerful beyond your own knowing.
You shouldn’t have to adjust the way you express yourself to cater to the insecurities and sensitivities of the people around you, but it would make things easier sometimes. Your clear sense of right and wrong can read to the more timid amongst us as being short-fused. If you don’t want to compromise your communication style, how about just adding in information on your intentions? Transparency can help ease tension and misunderstanding.
There’s a lot going on and it can be hard to see any pattern to it—old grudges resurfacing, thinking about moving for some reason (even if it’s impractically timed), butting heads at work. The common factor is being confronted with the material consequences of your decisions. You hate being rushed into decisions, so sometimes they just get made for you. This month may find you wondering: is it too late to change my mind? Even if it is, it’s not too late to change your approach.
You’re extra alert this month. It’s manifesting in restless nights, a fidgety mind, and—depending on your attitude—possibly even paranoia or boundary-crossing. You’ve got input on everything for everyone, and it’s rocking the boat at home. What are you thinking about while you stay up late? Look for a way that you can make time to hold your worries in the light of day, when restlessness can be transformed to ingenuity and insight.